just dropping by to say hi. i haven't visited in such a long time...they made
some major changes O_O *blinks*. i remember when it was all dark looking =p.
anyways, nice improvements .
...oh...everyone likes all the cool characters but i love daisuke the most cuz
he just so cute lmfao
i tried watching the anime, but i just couldn't...but the manga is good. i
wonder when their next book will come out? it has been soooo long now
kwee another song for everyone . i
promise just one this time as well .
it's called jeed by AB normal. it's thai, not jap or korean, so that's a new
twist X3. it's cute, and it has some groovy dancing going on if u see the vid
,and it's pretty funny lol. also i'm not sure when they were published and stuff
cuz wiki doesn't have it, but i know they've been around for a while
now..probably when i was... umm 11 maybe? about 4 years already..back then they
were famous for..DEK KWA LAEW NGAI. i think that was one of their
hits..?
fine fine, leave me u horrible friend ! lol
jk, but watch the vid i put on my page by ab normal X3. it's beyond funky and i
love it at this moment
*jamming to the song*. i love it when she gets pregnant with a killer kiss lmfao
.
sooo cute! gaah and it's thai too! (i'm representin'! oh yah)
oh yeah! and thx for the other affliate X3. i joined one of ur clubs miku .
thxs for all ur help X3
nyeh i tried watching black cat i think? it didn't interest me much...maybe i'm
confusing it with something else though? i should check it out @_@ *confused*
aozoraskies:
haha i guess we haven't . i haven't been on much so hello =D
lol yeah i guess . i'm always singing songs when i'm bored so yeah
yeah i think? *forgot already* lol sorry..but i think ur right though. and the
music is good..it's techno right? or maybe it's just weird -__-'
oh really? omigosh! i'm so sorry! should i edit it and take out everything
except for one song and one anime?
lol yes! zomg thre we go! (forgot the japanese name to that anime movie). haha
yes, the art was good too
gao cool me like art as well =]
treefairy: gomen gomen. i thought u already wrote that recommendation for
tekkonkinkreet already O_o' (u didn't?). anyways besides that air is good... it
made me cry (a sign that it was good). gao *weeps* my way of describing things
is horrible lol, "it's good" *mocks myself* hahahaha! gao '
princess: meow i listened to planetarium, it was good =D also, hana yori no
dango was good too (i've only read the manga and saw some of the anime
episodes). but now don't they also have the drama version of it too? one in
taiwanese, and a newer version that is in japanese? the taiwanese version got on
my nerves '..but i remember my cousin once telling me that it was really good
and popular back then.
gaooo i didn't come on for a while (probably might take another long break after
this) alright then, here me goes..
music:
- aru machi no gunjou (soundtrack in tekkonkinkreet) - asian kung-fu generation
- released 11/26/06
- girl in byakkoya (sounds bad at first but then it becomes addicting) - paprika
soundtrack - released 11/23/06
- renai shashin (ending song to the drama movie "tada kimi wo
aishiteru" --> which is also good) - ai otsuka - released 10/25/06
- super rabbit - antic cafe
- itoshii hito (beta de suman) (the song is about miyavi's stillborn
brother/sister...) - miyavi - released 4/12/06
- zen me ban (op song to hana kimi taiwan version) - S.H.E
- can you keep a secret? - utada hikaru
ps. lmfao! salmie i can't believe u'd like vanilla! out of all things VANILLA is
on ur list! *cracks up* hahaha gao, meow, it's not that it's bad or anything, me
loves it..but the translated lyrics r just perverted lol
anime:
- tekkonkinkreet (me and treefairy watched it and it was good)
- paprika: it's takes place in japan near the future. it's about this new
technology that allows others to see into peoples dream and connect one another
together. of course, there is some bad guy who is mixing up fantasy with reality
and it's all up to paprika to solve it. it's funny, entertaining, a bit
abstract, but overall enjoyable.
- bokura ga ita: about a girl who just came into high school.. i think her name
is nana (haven't seen it in a while)? anyways she's there hoping to make new
friends and everything until she meets an annoying kid named yano. eventually
they fall in love, and from then on it's about how they deal with each other's
problems. it's pretty good, made me cry
- beck: is about a group of people who wants to make a band and become famous..i
have never finished the series but...the first 4 episodes were good '
- the girl who leapt through time: it's about an ordinary girl who's clumsy,
find a device that allows her to alter back in time. it's a romance thingie that
teaches u an important lesson but it's also cute and i recommend it.
merged: 07-17-2008 ~ 05:07pm
oo u could find it on the left side. there should be a box that sez 'option' and
in it, 'apply for group'..click it and that's how u join
*shed a tear*...i'm..so..happy..bu hu hu hu *happy tear happy tear*
yatta! thank u soooooo much miku! thankkkk uuuuuuuuuuuuu *bows down*. gao i
think more sister groups would be great..and a contest would be fabulous for our
galley *takes hanky and blows* nyaaah happy tears happy tears . also u
could do whatever u like to the contents, i could care less as long as it makes
this group more active
kawaiihime: nada much. i wouldn't know since i haven't been here much either
(horrible admin with no skills lol)
phoenix: kyaaaaaaa! i love howl! i love it when he goes on that spazz about his
hair and beauty hahaha ...howl... teehehehe! *giggles*
treefairy: meooooow! ur not here now but meooow!
merged: 07-16-2008 ~ 02:11pm
gao i know i just talked but if i can do anything that might help this page
someone shout at me..or something O_o'
meow salmie i'm in deep poop too! i have a my sci final tommorow and i have to
write an essay this weekend! before i had finished a 16 paged outline and a
project with it too...and gao i need to finish that god damn mural with only one
more day left.....*weeps in agony* sooo busssssssyyyyyyyyy
lol thank you ^_^. that banner took me forever to me make (when i should have
been doing hw too haha). and the picture i found on deviantart, apparently this
person just colored in the pic but i still thought it looked so nice =3
lol meooow if u have any idea of how to vector things or make layouts can u help
us? =3
merged: 05-17-2008 ~ 02:29am
has someone read th latest chapter of wallflower? kyaaaaaaaaaaaaa kyohei kisses
sunako . crazy or WHAT?!?!?! (spazes)
don't worry salma. i'm not planning to change myself...my subconscious is too
stubborn to change my ways
but... i want to improve the me now by just a notch. like when julian didn't
come to school for 2 days knowing he has my bag, i should not be angry or
annoyed, i should wait and continue to ask him until he gives it to me. if
that's hopeless, i'll just by new notebooks and cry over for the japanese notes
that i treasure so much. or, like when ashley left me today becuz she couldn't
stand one of my friends selena and continue to say she's "patient", i
shouldn't be disappointed or frustrated, i should be more open minded and think,
"alright, i know she doesn't like her so that's okay. and i know she
doesn't believe in friendship so i shouldn't hope for anything from her."
and when people like kimberly cries for attention becuz they're drama queens and
likes to exaggerate stories, i should play along and ask them what's wrong and
try to give them advice... and when selena talks about all the cute things in
the world, and sing songs like "i want to be in america" from west
side stories, i shouldn't feel irritated, i should think, "alright, that's
just her personality" ....and despite how much i try...my god, won't they
at least pity me and try to work with me?...i mean...i can't be blunt to say
"stop exaggerating and get a life" or "shut up please" or
"why does it feel like i try so much and u do nothing in
return?"...it's just not right... i wouldn't want to hurt their feelings
and be inconsiderate. but ugh, i just don't understand the people in this
school... that's why i want to be more understanding so that it'll be easier for
me to work with them... and if that happens, i'll have more patience..so i'm not
asking for much... or depending upon changing my personality...it's just i want
to see if it's something i'm doing wrong that caused this (my negative outlook
on thing)..and i how i can change it.. becuz i swear, if they say it's not them,
who else can it be but me?
don't worry salma. i won't lose myself ^_^. my stubbornness won't let me no
matter what i say or how discouraged i feel lol. but yeeah.. i don't really mind
a bit if i have to lose a few things that r unnecessary (like being hyper or
tomboyish), becuz it's nothing that's deep or important of what makes a
marisa....but i promise i wouldn't lose myself again fullheartedly either ^_^
(remember in 7th grade i used to act so happy when i felt so empty inside?) i
really hated that feeling, so i'll be more cautious this time =]. lol thank you
so much salmie for caring... haha i'm so happy to here such pretty words (really
am)... but yes me love u too ^_^.
lol me too... i feel so gluttonous . and
don't worry, i'll practice everyday and do everything i can to be a great artist
=]. i want my art to make smile and i want to show those ugly bastards who never
had faith in me that i'm actually worth something ^_^. and i'm glad salmie is
fixing ur angry probs as well ^_^. does that mean u have become more mellow with
ur family?
lol don't worry i will.. see? i'm eating a juicy mango right now =3
lol i'm so proud of u salmie ^_^. that's good that u're are trying to be a
better u as well =3. but yes, i agree with that friend of urs...in the book
siddartha it also said something similar (something like if u mourn and grieve
over things, u'll never see the beauties in life and u'll never be at peace with
urself)...so yes... i think that's true.. that's why, i don't want to worry over
things so much..and i don't want to over think things until i hurt myself. i
think that's something i need to work on right? so that's why i decided not to
bother with the art students anymore becuz i saw that how i was thinking wasn't
benefiting me or anyone else. same goes for me being too emotional or dependent
on my new friends. and don't worry, i'll always love u guys so i'll never
hesitate to hold something from u ^_^
lmfao don't worry, me know this is all so weird for u and that u don't have the
time lmfao . i made u admin becuz u're good at recruiting and giving tips on
making this club better ^_^
yeeah... recently after finishing siddartha...i kinda realized this is partially
all my fault . i rejected people first, so they reject me back. i shied away from
everyone expecting high expectations, people shied away from me thinking i was
too good for them. if i had open my heart more, they would have too. people r
accepting like that . so i
think... i'm going to try and be more open with them... more out going and
blunt...even though it's not like me and i'm rushing my cycle of trusting...
*sighes* and i'm not going to expect anything from them anymore...and try to be
more accepting..and understanding....and patient. and i also have to be more
patient and focused in my work too...without it effecting my relationship with
my friends... cuz to be truthful.. marisa is tired of desserts and manga. and
i'm tired of not doing my hw properly and getting lack of sleep..but the thing
is, it's so addicting being "bad" that me can't stop . and
that i'm probably going to forget my goal again and go back ... a
few days ago, i remembered how determined i was in 7th grade to be better in art
so that i could surpass people like lamina and be proud of myself. i wanted to
be famous and loved...and here me was, complaining when things got a little
tough... funny right? lol i'm such a baby. i've been pouting for too long '. too
much sweets really r bad for u *nods*
people in my school don't really care about me... *sighes* i'm going to wait
though. i don't care if ashley doesn't have faith in me now...i'm confident that
she will later... and i don't care if kimberly only comes to me for gossip, she
doesn't mean anything to me anyways so it shouldn't annoy me so much. and the
art kids...they will fade... and i'm going to forget them since nothing good
will happen if i keep thinking about it... but god *sighes* when it comes to
friendship and trust in this school...i see it as something so rare '.
yes, i rather depend on u and natashie .
i love u guys the most
and for the wallflower stuff...if we could get these vectored for the
layout..it'd be AWESOME O_O
merged: 04-27-2008 ~ 12:44pm
i finished making a new join in banner (tired)... this is the best i could
do..gomen --> will post it once i can access photobucket
no everything took place. it's hard to find a moment to talk to a junior or
senior when they're ignoring u. if they probably said hi to me at least... i
would immediately tell them that i'm really sorry and that i didn't know
anything and that i was so sorry for being so selfish.. but instead they ignore
and watch me every morning. everytime i get my water for the painting or talk to
the teacher they glare at me silently. and even though i sometimes feel like
breaking down and crying saying how sorry i am, i instead look defiantly ahead
and start laughing like i'm innocent..*sighes* i'm such a wuss... it's so hard
to make friends in my school...i think i have more enemies than people who truly
care about me...no...i don't even know who TRULY cares about me.. i only know a
few that would pity me but i'm sure about care..*sighes* and what's funny is
that when i look in the mirror...i seem happier? i wonder why that is?
and i'm tired of being defiant..i was like that in the beginning of the year...
i didn't take crap from no one..i stayed quiet most of the time for the things i
saw no point of.. i replied back when people got on my nerves... but then people
began to get annoyed with me for being such a "smart-alec" when i
wasn't.. and they began to ignore me.. and whenever i tried to help
someone...people would get mad..and if i ever said that i was confused or
something they'd get mad... and if i ever spoke something that they couldn't
understand they rejected it... so i got tired and pretended to be stupid and
that "happy-go-lucky" kid who makes those cute sounds and be that
perfect rapist victim ...
lol poor salmie. i just got a bunch of test this week
(midterm). having to do projects suck . what
is a position paper though?
well i found out recently that it was suppose to be a group project...but before
it seemed like i didn't know all the rules....i thought they would talk to me
first before they did anything...and i thought that they would be following my
orders since it was my mural...but i guess that wasn't the case..and now i feel
horrible for thinking so selfishly *sighes*. and they have every right to be mad
at me... i said pretty mean comments about it... (if u only got half of what i
was saying and not the whole conversation...)... and god yeah... seems like now
i have to do it all alone...it's ironic... art should be my best class...but
from what it seems, all the people who i want to befriend, have their own
community where they don't want me (yet they don't want to be rude about it),
and i have so much people hating me, that art is not enjoyable anymore...
*sighes*
and i'm not good at painting. i know a few techniques becuz i studied and
observed people and stuff but i still don't know how to paint REALLY well..which
is what i want.. for now..it's only decent...i think i'm only good with detail
and not creativity '.
this is why i thought people helping me would be useful in its own ways.... and
not all of their stuff was horrible, some were really amazing...
actually pretty bad... u see i'm doing a mural for the school new student's
center...and well i just began painting it..and when they asked me "do u
want to paint it by urself or have some people help u?" i told the teachers
"i don't really care..." so in the end people started helping me...at
first i thought "fantastic! i could learn some painting skills from these
seniors and juniors" but then one day i come to class *yesterday* i see
that they did something really bold with my painting...they colored the girl's
head BRIGHT RED. like the girl in wendy's fast food commercial...and then i
realized they messed up 2 butterflies of mine as well...and i thought
"alright...not what i expected but at least it can be fixed" but then
the teacher assigns some other kid to ERASE that butterfly...and then i had two
juniors yell at me...and now i feel really guilty and confused...i think one
even threatened me...*sighes* i wish they explained the "painting
club" rules for me...and to make comments like "ur painting is not
THAT great" i find a little mean becuz u know how inexperienced i am...and
i didn't do anything to the red hair..i just told the teacher i wanted it
brown...but these junior/senior gossipers (two of them) tattled tailed...and now
i feel so horrible for complaining...and now i think no one will help me....i
should have just kept my mouth shut and told mr. bakkari to leave the butterfly
alone..=[. so that's the only stressful thing for me.... but i hope things get
better for u salmie.. just keep it up cuz like u said, just one more week until
break =]
just dropping by to say hi. i haven't visited in such a long time...they made some major changes O_O *blinks*. i remember when it was all dark looking =p. anyways, nice improvements
.
...oh...everyone likes all the cool characters but i love daisuke the most cuz he just so cute lmfao
i tried watching the anime, but i just couldn't...but the manga is good. i wonder when their next book will come out? it has been soooo long now
ah yes i was thinking about that. thx a lot for everything
.
and don't worry, take ur time since u helped out our group so much =]
kwee another song for everyone
. i
promise just one this time as well 
.
it's called jeed by AB normal. it's thai, not jap or korean, so that's a new
twist X3. it's cute, and it has some groovy dancing going on if u see the vid
,and it's pretty funny lol. also i'm not sure when they were published and stuff
cuz wiki doesn't have it, but i know they've been around for a while
now..probably when i was... umm 11 maybe? about 4 years already..back then they
were famous for..DEK KWA LAEW NGAI. i think that was one of their
hits..?
ps. congrats treefairy and miku! great job
fine fine, leave me u horrible friend
! lol
jk, but watch the vid i put on my page by ab normal X3. it's beyond funky and i
love it at this moment 
*jamming to the song*. i love it when she gets pregnant with a killer kiss lmfao
.
sooo cute! gaah and it's thai too! (i'm representin'! oh yah)
oh yeah! and thx for the other affliate X3. i joined one of ur clubs miku
.
thxs for all ur help X3
aww her works r reallly cute
.
can i join this group?
kqua kqua thx u for the affliates!
and welcome elena! i hope u have tons tons of fun in this group
oo i see
nyeh i tried watching black cat i think? it didn't interest me much...maybe i'm confusing it with something else though? i should check it out @_@ *confused*
aozoraskies:
. i haven't been on much so hello =D
. i'm always singing songs when i'm bored so yeah 
gao cool me like art as well =]
haha i guess we haven't
lol yeah i guess
yeah i think? *forgot already* lol sorry..but i think ur right though. and the music is good..it's techno right? or maybe it's just weird -__-'
oh really? omigosh! i'm so sorry! should i edit it and take out everything except for one song and one anime?
lol yes! zomg thre we go! (forgot the japanese name to that anime movie). haha yes, the art was good too
treefairy: gomen gomen. i thought u already wrote that recommendation for tekkonkinkreet already O_o' (u didn't?). anyways besides that air is good... it made me cry (a sign that it was good). gao *weeps* my way of describing things is horrible lol, "it's good" *mocks myself* hahahaha! gao
'
princess: meow i listened to planetarium, it was good =D also, hana yori no dango was good too (i've only read the manga and saw some of the anime episodes). but now don't they also have the drama version of it too? one in taiwanese, and a newer version that is in japanese? the taiwanese version got on my nerves
'..but i remember my cousin once telling me that it was really good
and popular back then.
omg no it's perfect! all we need is more affiliates
thank you much again!
i know isn't it beautiful? *tears well up*
lol that's ok, so how's ur summer
gaooo i didn't come on for a while (probably might take another long break after this)
alright then, here me goes..
music:
- aru machi no gunjou (soundtrack in tekkonkinkreet) - asian kung-fu generation - released 11/26/06
- girl in byakkoya (sounds bad at first but then it becomes addicting) - paprika soundtrack - released 11/23/06
- renai shashin (ending song to the drama movie "tada kimi wo aishiteru" --> which is also good) - ai otsuka - released 10/25/06
- super rabbit - antic cafe
- itoshii hito (beta de suman) (the song is about miyavi's stillborn brother/sister...) - miyavi - released 4/12/06
- zen me ban (op song to hana kimi taiwan version) - S.H.E
- can you keep a secret? - utada hikaru
ps. lmfao! salmie i can't believe u'd like vanilla! out of all things VANILLA is on ur list! *cracks up* hahaha gao, meow, it's not that it's bad or anything, me loves it..but the translated lyrics r just perverted lol
anime:
'
- tekkonkinkreet (me and treefairy watched it and it was good)
- paprika: it's takes place in japan near the future. it's about this new technology that allows others to see into peoples dream and connect one another together. of course, there is some bad guy who is mixing up fantasy with reality and it's all up to paprika to solve it. it's funny, entertaining, a bit abstract, but overall enjoyable.
- bokura ga ita: about a girl who just came into high school.. i think her name is nana (haven't seen it in a while)? anyways she's there hoping to make new friends and everything until she meets an annoying kid named yano. eventually they fall in love, and from then on it's about how they deal with each other's problems. it's pretty good, made me cry
- beck: is about a group of people who wants to make a band and become famous..i have never finished the series but...the first 4 episodes were good
- the girl who leapt through time: it's about an ordinary girl who's clumsy, find a device that allows her to alter back in time. it's a romance thingie that teaches u an important lesson but it's also cute and i recommend it.
meow, ello ello dear salmie-mo
*singing*
merged: 07-17-2008 ~ 05:07pm
oo u could find it on the left side. there should be a box that sez 'option' and in it, 'apply for group'..click it and that's how u join
yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaah!
*shed a tear*...i'm..so..happy..bu hu hu hu *happy tear happy tear*
yatta! thank u soooooo much miku! thankkkk uuuuuuuuuuuuu *bows down*. gao i think more sister groups would be great..and a contest would be fabulous for our galley *takes hanky and blows* nyaaah happy tears happy tears
. also u
could do whatever u like to the contents, i could care less as long as it makes
this group more active 
kawaiihime: nada much. i wouldn't know since i haven't been here much either
(horrible admin with no skills lol)
phoenix: kyaaaaaaa! i love howl! i love it when he goes on that spazz about his hair and beauty hahaha
...howl... teehehehe! *giggles*
treefairy: meooooow! ur not here now but meooow!
merged: 07-16-2008 ~ 02:11pm
gao i know i just talked but if i can do anything that might help this page someone shout at me..or something O_o'
meow salmie i'm in deep poop too! i have a my sci final tommorow and i have to write an essay this weekend! before i had finished a 16 paged outline and a project with it too...and gao i need to finish that god damn mural with only one more day left.....*weeps in agony* sooo busssssssyyyyyyyyy
oooooo nice layout O_O...geezs i haven't been here like in forever
kyaaaaaaaaa i love miyavi X3 can i plzzzzz join?
lol thank you ^_^. that banner took me forever to me make (when i should have been doing hw too haha). and the picture i found on deviantart, apparently this person just colored in the pic but i still thought it looked so nice =3
lol meooow if u have any idea of how to vector things or make layouts can u help us? =3
merged: 05-17-2008 ~ 02:29am
. crazy or WHAT?!?!?! (spazes)
has someone read th latest chapter of wallflower? kyaaaaaaaaaaaaa kyohei kisses sunako
don't worry salma. i'm not planning to change myself...my subconscious is too stubborn to change my ways
don't worry salma. i won't lose myself ^_^. my stubbornness won't let me no matter what i say or how discouraged i feel lol. but yeeah.. i don't really mind a bit if i have to lose a few things that r unnecessary (like being hyper or tomboyish), becuz it's nothing that's deep or important of what makes a marisa....but i promise i wouldn't lose myself again fullheartedly either ^_^ (remember in 7th grade i used to act so happy when i felt so empty inside?) i really hated that feeling, so i'll be more cautious this time =]. lol thank you so much salmie for caring... haha i'm so happy to here such pretty words (really am)... but yes me love u too ^_^.
lol me too... i feel so gluttonous
. and
don't worry, i'll practice everyday and do everything i can to be a great artist
=]. i want my art to make smile and i want to show those ugly bastards who never
had faith in me that i'm actually worth something ^_^. and i'm glad salmie is
fixing ur angry probs as well ^_^. does that mean u have become more mellow with
ur family?
lol don't worry i will.. see? i'm eating a juicy mango right now =3
lol i'm so proud of u salmie ^_^. that's good that u're are trying to be a better u as well =3. but yes, i agree with that friend of urs...in the book siddartha it also said something similar (something like if u mourn and grieve over things, u'll never see the beauties in life and u'll never be at peace with urself)...so yes... i think that's true.. that's why, i don't want to worry over things so much..and i don't want to over think things until i hurt myself. i think that's something i need to work on right? so that's why i decided not to bother with the art students anymore becuz i saw that how i was thinking wasn't benefiting me or anyone else. same goes for me being too emotional or dependent on my new friends. and don't worry, i'll always love u guys so i'll never hesitate to hold something from u ^_^
lmfao don't worry, me know this is all so weird for u and that u don't have the time lmfao
. i made u admin becuz u're good at recruiting and giving tips on
making this club better ^_^
i don't know anyone who'd vector for us..?
yeeah... recently after finishing siddartha...i kinda realized this is partially all my fault
people in my school don't really care about me... *sighes* i'm going to wait though. i don't care if ashley doesn't have faith in me now...i'm confident that she will later... and i don't care if kimberly only comes to me for gossip, she doesn't mean anything to me anyways so it shouldn't annoy me so much. and the art kids...they will fade... and i'm going to forget them since nothing good will happen if i keep thinking about it... but god *sighes* when it comes to friendship and trust in this school...i see it as something so rare
'.
yes, i rather depend on u and natashie 
.
i love u guys the most 
and for the wallflower stuff...if we could get these vectored for the layout..it'd be AWESOME O_O
http://s208.photobucket.com/albums/bb37/khyle_nota/?action=view¤t=17-c9dj98q2kqu_fuller.jpg
http://s181.photobucket.com/albums/x58/Nany_chan/Works/?action=view¤t=pgeskin.jpg
http://s193.photobucket.com/albums/z131/josiphia/?action=view¤t=SUNAKO.jpg
merged: 04-27-2008 ~ 12:44pm
--> will post it once i can access photobucket
i finished making a new join in banner (tired)... this is the best i could do..gomen
no everything took place. it's hard to find a moment to talk to a junior or senior when they're ignoring u. if they probably said hi to me at least... i would immediately tell them that i'm really sorry and that i didn't know anything and that i was so sorry for being so selfish.. but instead they ignore and watch me every morning. everytime i get my water for the painting or talk to the teacher they glare at me silently. and even though i sometimes feel like breaking down and crying saying how sorry i am, i instead look defiantly ahead and start laughing like i'm innocent..*sighes* i'm such a wuss... it's so hard to make friends in my school...i think i have more enemies than people who truly care about me...no...i don't even know who TRULY cares about me.. i only know a few that would pity me but i'm sure about care..*sighes* and what's funny is that when i look in the mirror...i seem happier? i wonder why that is?
and i'm tired of being defiant..i was like that in the beginning of the year... i didn't take crap from no one..i stayed quiet most of the time for the things i saw no point of.. i replied back when people got on my nerves... but then people began to get annoyed with me for being such a "smart-alec" when i wasn't.. and they began to ignore me.. and whenever i tried to help someone...people would get mad..and if i ever said that i was confused or something they'd get mad... and if i ever spoke something that they couldn't understand they rejected it... so i got tired and pretended to be stupid and that "happy-go-lucky" kid who makes those cute sounds and be that perfect rapist victim
...
lol poor salmie. i just got a bunch of test this week
(midterm). having to do projects suck 
. what
is a position paper though?
well i found out recently that it was suppose to be a group project...but before it seemed like i didn't know all the rules....i thought they would talk to me first before they did anything...and i thought that they would be following my orders since it was my mural...but i guess that wasn't the case..and now i feel horrible for thinking so selfishly *sighes*. and they have every right to be mad at me... i said pretty mean comments about it... (if u only got half of what i was saying and not the whole conversation...)... and god yeah... seems like now i have to do it all alone...it's ironic... art should be my best class...but from what it seems, all the people who i want to befriend, have their own community where they don't want me (yet they don't want to be rude about it), and i have so much people hating me, that art is not enjoyable anymore... *sighes*
and i'm not good at painting. i know a few techniques becuz i studied and observed people and stuff but i still don't know how to paint REALLY well..which is what i want.. for now..it's only decent...i think i'm only good with detail and not creativity
'.
this is why i thought people helping me would be useful in its own ways.... and
not all of their stuff was horrible, some were really amazing...
actually pretty bad... u see i'm doing a mural for the school new student's center...and well i just began painting it..and when they asked me "do u want to paint it by urself or have some people help u?" i told the teachers "i don't really care..." so in the end people started helping me...at first i thought "fantastic! i could learn some painting skills from these seniors and juniors" but then one day i come to class *yesterday* i see that they did something really bold with my painting...they colored the girl's head BRIGHT RED. like the girl in wendy's fast food commercial...and then i realized they messed up 2 butterflies of mine as well...and i thought "alright...not what i expected but at least it can be fixed" but then the teacher assigns some other kid to ERASE that butterfly...and then i had two juniors yell at me...and now i feel really guilty and confused...i think one even threatened me...*sighes* i wish they explained the "painting club" rules for me...and to make comments like "ur painting is not THAT great" i find a little mean becuz u know how inexperienced i am...and i didn't do anything to the red hair..i just told the teacher i wanted it brown...but these junior/senior gossipers (two of them) tattled tailed...and now i feel so horrible for complaining...and now i think no one will help me....i should have just kept my mouth shut and told mr. bakkari to leave the butterfly alone..=[. so that's the only stressful thing for me.... but i hope things get better for u salmie.. just keep it up cuz like u said, just one more week until break =]